Bully

I can't praise William Golding enough for the masterpiece that is Lord of The Flies,forcing us to observe the savagery that growls under the thinnest of skins.

The use of children those whom we deem as the bastion of innocence and untainted by the machinations of the adult world are the tool that Golding uses to tear away the damsel enforced veneer of modern society.
This is the shocking mechanism that makes the reader/audience ask themselves uncomfortable questions upon the more repugnant shadows in their souls.

Personally the most affecting aspect of Goldings work is the sheer naked bullying that was faced by the harmless character Piggy.
Of course Simon the harmless,tender Christ like figure that textured the piece with a sign of redemption for the stranded boys only to be torn down in a barbaric hunt. That could be seen as the pivitol moment in which the boys plunged into the twilight of evil.

However it was the gentler strokes of malicious intent dished out to Piggy that got to me. Initially it looked much like playground behaviour,Ralph betrayed Piggy's trust by telling the rest about calling the boy in question Piggy.
A name that caused the boy distress and pain and maybe this level of teasing is what makes us grow thicker skin and fight back.

However as the story advanced it became apparent that Piggy was singled out for other reasons other than his size and unkind moniker. He couldn't run,nor swim,refused to hunt,deemed many of Jacks ideas as dangerous or stupid.
Jack whom at this point was becoming a factor of dangerous independence leading his hunter pack in diffaince at Ralphs more orded rule held personal contempt towards Piggy.

He put down and isolated Piggy whenever he had the opportunity and his impressionable hunter group took lead from this and copied Jack with verbal abuse.
Despite Piggy's reasoned thinking,logical idea creation and ability to communicate with the other boys (hence encouraging education within the ragged pack) the only value that most of the boys though Piggy offered were his glasses which could create fire for the group.

Throughout this Ralph stuck by Piggy,Ralph a reluctant leader at least understood Piggys reasoning and took refuge in his council and compassion. At some points Ralph looked to Piggy for awnsers in a role reversal for the leader,it was clear that Ralph valued Piggy's friendship because he needed him.

Towards the end Jack and his hunters had completely broken away from Ralphs frail order of authority(taking all but Piggy with him) and raided Ralphs end of the island in order to steal Piggy's glasses. Piggy now with no value and Ralph a leader without power or followers were clearly expendable to Jacks hunters.

Upon the mountain Ralph and Piggy confronted Jack and his group,Piggy tried one last time to reason with the boys and seek some salvation in the mindless actions that had taken place.
Roger who was Jacks right hand man mounted the summit of the bullying of Piggy by sending a rock crashing down upon Piggy's head.
The most chilling outcome of this was the smile on Rogers face at some point there was a transition that allowed evil to enter Rogers soul.

Piggy throughout was the living effigy of everyone bullied put upon individual,a boy who really only had something positive to offer but visually and physically not in step with everyone else.
For that reason he was picked out and destroyed without ever being able to display what he could achieve,crushed under the dank blankness of ignorance and fear.

Piggy's exist in this world,a world not of paper fiction or projected film the one your walking in and sitting at your computer in.

Here and now.

Maybe you know a Piggy.....don't let dark hearts crush him/her.

Did it.

I am sleepy but I have been and done Brighton today (not Saturday as originaly posted) it was nowhere near as painful as I thought and I really enjoyed seeing my friend down there. I admit it was weird being in a place that was once considerd home but with a little time it will again be that same place and especily since I have managed to put a lot behind me with the town.

The one main thing that I was pleased to see again was the sea,the salt air and the crashing waves are a sure way to calm my feelings and sooth me heart.
I sat on the beach with my friend for a while just talking about life,how we got to where we were and where we intend to be.

We didn't know the awnsers to our futures but we both understood what brought us to be in our indvidual situations. In many ways we were/are looking for the same thing but in different ways it was good to learn for each others experence about how we could achive what we wanted.
In terms of releationships we agreed that being single was not as bad as we feared being able to keep your options open to whomever may enter your life is quite exciting.

I did plan on taking my hand fasting ring along with me to throw in the sea as an act to aknowledge that it was time to move ahead with my life but after talking to a friend over the phone I realised there wasn't a need to do that. You can keep your memories and still understand that your life is going foward,so I am going to keep it safe but away from my gaze because I know there will be a time when a warm memory is harmless to look back on.

Another thing I miss about Brighton is the shops,they tend to be eccletic and sell items not found anywhere else,as I am a big fan of note pads (the life blood of my stories) I was pleased to find one shop that sells recylced matrials that are then used for other purposes. I brought a note pad that had it's cover and back made from an old electronic circuit board :D...it looks brilliant and a fantastic addition to my other far more mundane pads.

The weather really wasn't that much to shout about but then the trip was all about making a new friend and starting a fresh I wonderd if the sky was over cast because it was a reflection on clouds hanging over me.

Then it was time to leave and I really didn't want to I wanted to stay but maybe today wasn't the time to do so tomorrow is always going to be there and tomorrow can always be built towards. Now I have goals and targerts,I have a real ambition as to where I want to be and hopefully I won't always be one my own in going foward.

I know it's step by step and after today I feel a have made my way down a road that will give me the life I want.


P.S:

Thank you to S.W (won't say your name you may not want me to) for listening and being nice company it's great to know that I have a friend near the sea :)

Just some lovely songs.

Feeling a little better recently and I think it's something to do with a spot of music threapy I indulged in the last couple of days.

I think at first it was more of a wallow that turned into a bit of self-reflection and then I found myself accpeting a few things that had been worrying me.

So in case you find yourself in a similer postion here a few songs I listened to that just helped me out a bit:

James- Were going to miss you when your gone

The Charlatans- A Man needs to be Told

Ugly Kid Joe- 12 Cents

James- Run Aground



Yes only foure songs but four songs that helped me out,if you aren't sure of the bands or not familer as to how to get to listen to them off the net just leave a comment with a request for a C.D and I can send you these songs along with a number of others that have had the same effect on me.


Oh and I talked to a friend about things and that helped to,don't ever undervalue friends they really will help you through a lot of darkness.

Taking a little exsorcise

Yep next weekend,if all goes well and to plan I am going to revist a place that is going to be emotionaly challanging. I made a friend in this town by the coast a town that serves me with a lot of memories that at the time were great but now just reminded of a past I need to step away from.

This wasn't on purpose as I didn't know where this person lived at first and by the time I did I didn't think it was worthy of my intention because planning to meet them wasn't on my radar.
Thing is we get on pretty well and it would be ashame not to meet because of a few ghosts holding me back so I think it may be best to exsorcise them for good.

It may well help with inward recovery as this past week I have been letting my mind wallow in certain things that draw me back to a place I thought I walked away from.
My feeling is if you don't do something about it you are in danger of letting things claim you and trap you,that's not on my to do list now or ever.

I still want ...one day live in this town by the sea I feel like a belong there,my persoanlity suits it and the town allows me to be who I want to be.

Unlike London.

I'm not going to tell you the town because it's not that important and I don't want to broadcast things too much because despite anything else I am still sensitive to other peoples feelings.

Part of me feels like not going,not facing up to things is always an easy way out but it doesn't solve anything and besides it's not just about resloving old issues that I am going.
I am there to see a friend and to have a good time to be honest that really should be the focus and it will help me to remind myself of that fact.

No doubt the result of which I will write down here a blog that despite my intentions has become incresingly more introspective and self revealing.
However I don't mind that an awful lot as at least I feel I have something to say and writing things down here helps.

Maybe I will look back in retrospect at entries like this and wonder why I ever felt this way?

I suppose that is something only time has knowledge of.

If the sun shines next Saturday that will be a good start and if I can asscociate this coastal town with something other than what burns in my memory that will be victory enough.

Miss it.

...

I miss it that feeling you get when you like someone and you have a feeling that someone likes you back,I miss that.

That silly feeling that gives you a silly smile just due to the fact your are talking to them....

When you see them blush because your the first person in an age to say something nice to them,the special feeling you recieve when they say it you...because you know how long it's been since anyone said anything like that.

...and it's not comming to me soon and it's only me here.

I don't like it.

I miss it.

Butchers dozen on hold.

Due recent events my short story collection Butchers Dozen is on hold for the time being,I had one complete story and three others half way finished. In note form I had the enough to write around five more tales.

However I slumped in my writing productivity and other issue that over ride this idea need to be taken care of first. What I will do for the time being is complete the three storys that are currently incomplete and submit them to various horror collections. The upside to this is when (and it is when and not if) I get Butchers Dozen back on track there will be that many more people who have read my tales and my collection will reach more people.

Lucky for me I know of a few places that are looking for stories so as long as I complete what I do there should be a shortage of places to send them to at leas....but as with everything it's no sure thing any will be printed but that's just part of writing.

I may will put a story on here again one that was suppose to be for a friends amatuer short film but was never used as things were not completed on time. The story needs some fixs but I think it's about time I put a little something on my blog so that anyone fresh to what I write can read a sample...albiet not exactly the best example :P

Where I am now

I don't usualy use my blog as a place just to talk about me (I try and varey or it gets dull) but it's probably worth bringing anyone who reads this up to speed with me.

First off I spilt up with Georgy in the middle of this April,split ups are something eveyone has been through or will and if not a tip my hat at the people who have managed to happly make thier first love thier only love. So that ment relocating back to London (bah) and moving back in with my parents...yeah I know at 29 but choice isn't always there in a country of freedom of choice heh.

So I am going to apply to study massage which isn't a cheap course and I now have to pin down some work in order just to take it...if I get in which I hope I do.
I didn't think nor want to be where I am now ethier emtionaly,finacialy or in terms of situation but as sure as unexpected things can lead to great happenings they can lend themselves well to pitfalls.

It's really a matter of scratching some optimism from an uncertain patch in my life and with around five unfinished stories and two finished I at least have material in which I can start submitting my horror again. That is core to my happiness I need to be writing and realise just how disfunctional my feelings become when I am not. Hopefully this entery isn't to mournful I try my upmost not to write anything that nears self-pity or is precieved as wound licking but just comming back from my uncles funerel (I wonder or does or indeed can put the fun in funerel :P ) I feel a little melon-colie.

Mind it was funny when I got out the car and found the black trousers I picked up to wear were actuley the wrong ones and weren't the clean ones....:o

Yep that's right I think they sported the result of a night out down the legs and it was lucky the service was only small or I would have looked like a smartly turned out vagrant ;)

So I am just going to fill a couple of college forms in and try to get some writing done today hope you have a nice day :)