Anthony Clarke is Sick (review)

This is the first tale of the B.H.F Horror Stories book and sets the pace with an uneasy chill.
Anthony Clarke wakes up feeling unwell and his feeling are communicate to the reader from the off set creating a sense of mucas filled unhealthy.
Making the reader feel whatever ailment this man has with the use of common themes that play around things we have all had blocked nose,bad head and incessant weakness.
The tale quickly establishes the condition of the main character without over explaining and moving swiftly into advancing the story with natural pleasing pace.
As Anthony moves around his flat you also get the sense that the place hasn't been the most active of homes in quite a while almost as if Anthony has been in his slumber for more than a night.
Infact if it wasn't for the writer later explaining how often the main character did go to work I would be inclined to think that he had been in his house for some considerable time. Festering in his bed and struck down with some powerfully virus. This does however work well when we come to the climax of story of which I shall explain later.
Anthony Clarke then muses about his life a little allowing the reader a small glimpse into his history and how boredom and the numbness of being one of many has seemed initially enter his life and later almost consume him.
The nihilism of an office is cleary communicated in Anthonys thoughts it his clear that the man not only doesn't want to work in his office but feels it is detriment to his very existence.

After the short self reflection Anthony summons the the will to call into work however he is not calling in sick instead he wishes to play a prank.
The writer tells us how Anthony strives to spark life into his work place with simple gestures however when Anthony does get a reaction it is usually one of distain that he does not wish to encounter again.
As a joke our lead character calls his deparment and demands to talk to Anthony Clarke(himself of course).
At first the call is met with a little confusion as the girl at the desk (Debbie) doesn't seem to know if there is such a person in the company.
However then there is a short silence and then a young voice and this is where the chill kicks in. Anthony recognises the voice infact it is too familiar for comfort he recognises at his own from when he was younger.
His mind then tracks back to when he first startd the job and recalls that he received a call very much like this on the same day from a person demanding the same thing.

The disturbing fact causes our lead man to place the phone down and we are left to wonder what exactly are the consqences of this.
To me it appears that the writer has left things open maybe Anthony has called into a parallel universe or it could be that he has gone insane due to the numbness of his life.
There are a few possibilities but the way I read it is that Anthony Clarke has acutely ceased to be he has died possibly in his sleep and of the virus that he supposedly "awoke" from.
Somehow the dead ghost of Anthony called his younger self somehow breaking all barriers of time and physics with the untamed rules of the supernatural.
Of course this is just my interpretation of the events in the tale however what I do know is that the ending is far more than it seems and presents far more chilling question than we care to ask.


Review by:

James Stanger

It's all worth it.....

Yes that's right all the doubts and worry coupled with fear of faliure it's all worth going through when you manage to produce something that is someway towards worthy.
To have my story included in the this book makes me feel on top of the world because I am amoungst writers of great talent who know what ideas are and what makes for a chilling yarn.

Not only does this make me feel like I have made a personal break through but it begs me to write more as I feel that there is a solid reason to carry on with writing.
Not only this but I have had some great things said about my tale too which I never even thought could be said about it.
Aside from my input which I have spoken about a lot already there are some superb writers in this short story collection and I will write a review of each tale as I read them and put the review up on this blog so you can get a taste for what treats are in store for you if you wish to pick up a copy of it(and you will be satisfied if you do so).

However because I am feeling self-indulgent this once and also due to the fact this my blog I just wanted to add a couple of things some important British Horror freinds of mine have said to me about what I wrote:

Chris(Tsar of the British Horror Forum and talented writer)

And James' story... well. I'm so happy that people are enjoying it. When I read it I thought it had a strange kind of power all of its own - there's an anger there which really leaps off the page, and ideas which get under your skin. I think I'm right in saying it was his first attempt at a short story too - perhaps it'll be James who beats us all to the punch and gets a publishing deal?

Darrel Buxton(The true source of British hororr fil information EVER and talented writier)

Just read 'Beggar's Banquet' this evening, having saved it til last, and found it to be a really creepy, squalid little piece of modern horror. I'd go so far as to say that it's also the most 'British' story in the whole collection - despite echoes of Jeffrey Dahmer, you set the city scene so well, and encapsulate the world of the homeless with such accuracy, that it's somehow difficult to imagine this tale taking place in a foreign setting. The lives of the shabby unfortunates at the centre of the tale work as a microcosm of a much greater social problem (the expansion of the story for the final paragraphs therefore working perfectly). I could virtually feel my feet sticking to the carpet in Calvin's flat, and the insect population of the place almost take on a weird character all of their own. Very daring of you to incorporate a flashback in the middle too! (Mart's frantic, half-remembered recollection of his abusive father).

I know you'll take it as a compliment if I say this would have made a really great episode of the 'Urban Gothic' t.v. show.

Okay you all must be board with my self-promoting by now so I will make up for it in the next couple of days by showing you how good the other tales are :)

Something about today....

Things can change drasticly in a matter of hours today feels just bleak I am left feeling pretty used up and despite advice from my physcoligist about taking control of your own life it really feels as if that isn't enough.

Early this week I managed to get part time work in a clothes shop near me tere isn't a lot of hours on my basic contract infact I am contrcted to one day a week which is bare minium by anybodys standards.
The problem is that this is all I could get because there just wasn't the vacneys to take and if I am turthful I was lucky to get even that.
The problem is it's terible money and the boss really doesn't care for anything apart from standing around watching you like a hawk making sure you never cease working.

It's left me feeling empty inside as I have worked all my life from the age of 15 (now 27) and only ever not worked due to depression.
So now I am making do with a really pathetic low job which leaves me wondering what was the point of working hard in the past if all my efforts accumliate to this.
When I tell people about the fact I actuley have gained employment thier first reaction is happines then when I tell them the kind of work I do and what the hours I am doing they look really dissapointed in me.

I was speaking to my sister to see what she says and she told me that there really isn't an alturntive and this is really what I will have to do for work unless I have a skill or am inteligent to get a better job.
I felt frustrated and asked what was the point in carrying on breaking your back for nothing she replied telling me we all need money to survive.

That's a deffenate truth.

I told I would rather take a job where your boss is a little more easy going even if the money wasn't great(at the moment I have a dictator boss with lousy money).
I said why don't I just become a roadswepper and not bother about a higher paid job where the stresses obviously effect me...there was no reply.

The problem is I don't think I handle pressure well and let's face it a well paid job has pressure ...otherwise it won't be well paid.
I thought about it for a while and a few of my dreams died I don't know if this is realism finaly sinking in but I used to think if you wanted something bad enough you could get it.
I think I am realising how limited my skills and talents are it feels like my heart just broke but maybe this is real life.

One thing is for sure that no matter what you do no matter how far you go it's never good enough even if you do better than somebody else in life that person still thinks you have failed.

This song below actuley demonstartes my frustration and angry about living up to the world...
So much to say so little time for me, to explain the way I feel
You only see, things the way you want to see them
It makes sense to you all these things you do
You’ve got it all figured out while everyone is confused
How do you do it? (how do it?)
In your mind I'm just blind
You're right all of the time
If I think for myself, I guess I'm way out of line
I'm not who you are
I'm so sorry (im so sorry)

chorus:
I can't do anything right (right)
You don't know me, stay out of my life (life)
Kick me while I'm down, I want you to
I can't be like you
Don't want to be like you

I can't do anything right
You don't know me, stay out of my life
Kick me while I'm down, I want you to
I can't be like you
Be like you

No matter what I do it's never good enough
I give all that is me; still it's never enough
So, why try? I give up.
What does it feel like to be in your shoes
And walk over everyone like you do?
Tear me down again, I want you to. (want you to)
You're lovely, so beautiful and
You're perfect in every way.
Your interior rusted and I'm so disgusted
Can't trust it. You're busted.

chorus:
I can't do anything right
You don't know me, stay out of my life
Kick me while I'm down, I want you to
I can't be like you
Don't want to be like you

I can't do anything right
You don't know me, stay out of my life
Kick me while I'm down, I want you to
I can't be like you
Be like you

I can't do anything right (repeat)

Is that it?

Finaly published

It finaly happened I have a story in print for the first time but it still doesn't feel like it has actuley happened until I have got my hands on a copy of it.
It's a story that has been finished for a while now and I made an effort to copy it up on computer and see if I could get it included in this short story collection.

I was plesently suprised that it was accpeted not being the biggest fan of my own work but then your always your own biggest critic.
It's a book that is going to be should online and it looks as if there is going to be a follow up collection to this current one so I can now start putting pen to papaer and write up another story now.
So far this is the most important achivement this year it's a leap foward because my writing is so important to me to take that first step in actuley getting it out there for people to read makes me smile.

I have actuley landed a part time job as well but this isn't such a great achivement even if I am glad I have got some paid work now.
It's a pretty meanial job the problem is I met an old school friend who told me that he could get me a good sales job with good money so I don't really know what to do (I detest sales).

This blog addition is irnoicaly dull for such exciting news but I guess I am being more mechinical with my writing today rather than creative.

Have a good day now ;)

I'll carry you...

This to a friend of mine called Silas who has experenced a targic loss recently and finds himself in a time of dampend spirits and reflection.
I just wish to say my strengh goes out to you to get you through this difficult time but be sure to know it won't be like this for too long.

This is just the intense part of loss something that everyone finds unbearable at times and unwilling to face.
..but it's okay it's alright because it's what humans do you are coping in the way you know how and nobody has a mgic way to do things.
The only reason why it feels so bad is because the person you lost was such a good person and ment so much to you.
Her influence and goodness lives on inside your heart which means she has not gone but still sharing her love with and others through you and the things you do and say.

People are fragile you and I are fragile and times such as these we realise what that actuley means. You see that is good because that means your real and normal like you should be.

Also remeber this the only thing to come out of darkness is light and it always does just let it happen and the rest will follow.

To my dear friend Silas.

Since I was 14.....

Above you will see a scanned image of a human brain of someone with the condition of epilepsy (not mine) the colours make it look pretty spectacular but the condition itself is acutely mysterious.

First of all I have to point out that doctors today are still unsure as to the real cause of epilepsy there are theories as to what could be the reason such as:


-Head injury

-Serious brain infections, such as meningitis,scar tissue on the brain

-Brain tumors

-Brain surgery

-Stroke

-Alzheimer's disease or other diseases that change the brains structure
Any condition that keeps blood or oxygen from getting to the brain (e.g. hardening of the arteries)

-Alcohol or drug abuse

-Brain injury during fetal development

-Trauma during birth (such as lack of oxygen).

-High fever (in children)

-Certain medications

As you can tell there a host of possibilities but nobody acutely knows or can pin point a cause at least not yet anyway.
Since I was 14 I have suffered from epilepsy one chilly winter morning I was in school and out playing football with friends at breaktime and without warning I blacked out.
I remember waking up with a crowd of people around me mostly friends and some teachers too I didn't know where I was and the I could only sense things like smells and the taste of my own blood in my mouth.
It caused quite a sensation and thanks to the help of some really good friends of mine an ambulance came in short time.
I felt as if something important had happened to me but I could tell what or why I found it impossible to walk.

It was as if I had been blasted with a paralyzing ray of somekind I had no energy,my tongue was painful because I bite down hard onto it and all I wanted to do was sleep.
I was checked over at hospital and told that this was an epileptic fit and it was possible this could be my one and only siezue.

Well around two years passed and I had been clear of any such complications the notion of me suffering from such a condition had all but evaporated.
Until one day in December where I had my second fit it was pretty nasty and I scared my little brother soo much he hid under the table(I must have looked like a wild man).

Shortly after this I was told by my specialist to have a brain scan the results revealed I had some excess electrical brain activity that indicated I had epilepsy.
basically when you have a fit you brain goes through something of an electrical storm and due to the complicate nature of the neurons in the brain this causes turmoil.
The brain then shuts down much like a computer does when it crashes and then reboots after a time setting up itself to work properly once more.

A lot has happened between when I was first diagnosed at 16 and now 27 some terrifying some character building but I am still here and epilepsy is one condition where doctors can offer a lot of help for you.
My medication (touch wood) is working very well I have even got to the point that when I get enough money together I can take driving lessons.

So it was strange when a friend of mine told me I reminded him of a character Simon from my favarourite book Lord Of The Flies.
Simon is the character that discovers the pigs head on a spear and the shock causes him to have an epileptic seizue.
In the book he as seen as some type of prophet figure claiming that the pig is a beast due to his hallucinations whilst having a siezue.
It was strange as my friend didn't take this into account and it was the most bizarre comment to make me smile I have had in a long time.

There is always something to learn about yourself if you look hard enough and if you look for the good things and take into account the bad with the same humble demeanor you shall be fine :)

Fun and regret

Last night was fun but I got a little carrried away with someone who is VERY attached to a VERY good friend of mine.
I woke up this morning with various memories of the night before flooding back to me and one particular moment stung me like an angry hornet.

OUCH!!!

Deffently one of those "I wish I didn't do that" moment the major reason wasn't so much the drink as being single for so long.
I don't really trust come on's from girls all to much and as freindly as I am I really become paranoid when I think someone likes me.
My friends girlfreind was really effectionate towards me a couple of nights ago and last night just as much.
I made a pass at her and she suddenly stopped and said "heeeey" it felt as if I just crashed into the side of a lorry and went head first through the windscreen.

I felt dirty,guilty and such a horrible bastard she is a great friend of mine and I have known her guy for ages and he is a close friend too.
In a moment of madness it seemed as if I didn't care about all that and just went and done something really dumb.
It's not an excuse just when someone tells you that your really attractive and hugs and gives you lot's of little kisses you tend read things even if you shouldn't and you should riegn in those thoughts.

Strange thing is it was a fantastic night it was the morning after that really hurt I got a phone call from the friend of mine who is involved with that girl he seemed as happy as he ever was and asked me to join them at the river side for a few drinks.
I couldn't go and actuley thought it was wise to let the dust settle because I knew she would be there.

However come Tuesday I am seeing all my friends again and I am worried how she will react when she see's me next.
I can be such a horse's arse when I put my mind in a lower gear I hope to God things will wash over and this can be forgoten about as quickly as possible.

...Ironicly I have actuley immortilised this moment by putting it in my blog...hmmm...maybe I will laugh about it later...I hope.