Thursday, 20 November 2008

Try not to....

Some vauge rules that lead to inactivity:

Try not to think/worry too much about doing things and just do them.

Try not to compare where you are to where they are.

Try not to look back or else walking foward is difficult.

Try not to hate yourself.

Try not to take notice of what you think people think of you.



There are others actuley lot's of things but in my opinons these things are really important and mostly unmasterd by myself but it doesn't stop me trying.

I suppose another important one is:

Try not to stop trying :)


Well I am off to try and finish this story I promised to finished by the end of month.

Saturday, 15 November 2008

The Trick Trick to being homophobic.

Strange how politics is distracted with the phantoms of violent Hip-Hop lyrics supposedly sending all our children to grasp their AK'S and Glocks.
The truth being is that both Hip-Hop and gang violence are a simultaneously reflection or to make it sound more cliché chicken and the Egg.

I think the main danger of violent,gun and gang celebratory music is that it stays and dulls the musics culture. Nobody wants to hear the same thing over and over so 50 Cent and your ilk take a step back and let the creative types breath you will end up saving your scene in the end.

Anyhow I find concentrating on this aspect of Hip-Hop odd when there is a much more important problem at hand with Rapper Trick-Trick being the latest spokesman for it.
Telling the world that he didn't want homosexuals to purchase his new album...[i]“Homosexuals are probably not gonna like this album. I don’t want your faggot money any goddamn way. I don’t like [homosexuality]. Carry that shit somewhere else.”[/i].

To be fair he isn't the first person to display such aggression to homosexuals,which is depressing Busta Rhymes being another artist who doesn't want "The Pink Pound" it's bullshit but it's harmfull bulshit. I scratch my head as to why this is tolerated when an outright racist comment by a musicians of similar stature would be met with the full ire of a furious public.

This is a healthy response to as racism has no place in any society so why would be put up with it in music.
In this case you can tell it's men with deeply flawed masculine insecurity's because when you take a look at their musical persona's they so desperately need you to think they are all powerfull titans of the street,the ultimate alpha male if you will.
Which in a lot of cases is just a hollow image because of their total and utter fear for gay men and they final strike of hypocrisy is their attitude to lesbians.
They celebrate woman having sex with woman....but not in a way that says yeah your like us but in that freshly baked in a porn oven way.

Yep that's right made for a guy and having nothing to do with actual lesbian culture or sexuality.

So why does this bother me soo much???

Not just because I have good friends how are homosexual...partly but also because without the Lesbian and Gay community the whole music industry would be but a fragment of what it is now. Mostly however it's because I see this whole homophobic culture not only accepted in the Hip-Hop world but sadly thriving. :(

Something tells me a few people need to grow up and be more accepting.

Monday, 20 October 2008

In praise of Mills.








No not a tribute to a dead comdian,Bob Mills to the best of my knowledge IS alive and well and I hope it stays that way for many years to come (and I guess he does too).

Bob Mills is a man who has seemed to creep under the radar of main stream entertainment,he has flirted with prime time T.V but for the life of me I can't recall that much of his work in that time slot apart from an apprence in They Think It's All Over sometime in the mid-nineties.

I am well aware that he has done a lot of stand up work and is as much of a work horse of the comdey circuit as any other more celebrated comedians. The Programme In Bed With Me Dinner and it's follow up Still In Bed With Me Dinner are to me and the member that make up it's cult following forgoten classic television.

Broadcast for students,drunk heads and those who who lurk around the television set in the late hours of the night In Bed With Me Dinner used Bob Mills rye and lightly burning take on the world to make fun of some of the most obscure and stupid television clips from the U.K and abroad.

If you think this is some Tarrent on T.V style tosh your utterly wrong because where as Tarrent (and before him Clive James) basicly said "oh look at those funny foriegners good job were sane" Bob Mills just looked at the inanity and diliousion that the people in his programme clips displayed.

Yet I only know a handful of people who know about this show and only one other person who loves it as much as I do. To me that's a crime and poor old Bob Mills can't still get a look in on a new televison show,oh what I would give for this to come back.

So Bob Mills from me here is a place on the internet in praise of your work and one in the eye for those who over look you and your programme.


....oh yeah as a point of intrest Russell Brand made a show last year that was give or take an eye liner smudge or two a carbon copy of In Bed With Me Dinner....!?

It was a good programme and I do find Russell Brand funny but it just wasn't the same....it wasn't Bob :(


Oh and how could I forget my favourite word....Muggy-bonehead :D

Monday, 13 October 2008

Tears- Blood from a wounded heart/Daimonds from the souls joy mine.


Do we only notice what is really going on when the physicals signs materialise do we only actually find out the truth when visual action is displayed.

Tears and crying hold a dear and fearful fascination that draws closer to me as I grow older and learn. The truth is you and I both cry for a myriad of reasons,so many causes that they could only ever be out numbered by the fragmented eternal reflections inside a jewelled hidden chamber of mirrors.

I can only speak upon what I have felt and seen as to why we cry tears and this is what I have learned.

Tears:

Another human needs help they cry as a signal of distress to another. S.O.S it states "I am vulnerble and hurt ...help" have they been neglected or shut away the feelings they should of allowed themselves to feel.
Some say that when we cry for sadness,loss,stress or fear it could be the last resort and the steps that should of been taken to prevent it happening were sadly not done. Now is the time to clutch the hand of the other and share the strength,unburden and touch their cheek with tender care.

Stop the bleeding from the heart,stem the tears.

Have you ever felt that connection to another crying whether you see it on Television,in the street or someone close to you. It's affecting and at times causes the witness to weep too.

Tears:

Relief,Joy and Happiness this time an event is so wonderful that you cannot fully take in it's real it's unlike tears of sadness when you wish it wasn't.
Gravity is inverted here everything lifts spring is always and all you want to do is share the life in your heart with everyone.

People seem to understand exactly what to do in this situation is it because it's less complex? Probably because it's positive...but whichever it is committed actions are highly likely when someone sees you like this or you see them.

I am trying to return the blog in a slightly more eclectic style (as it was before and as it was supposed to be) things have become far to personal on here really.
So maybe this little observational entry makes a pleasant change :)

Sunday, 5 October 2008

Horror story news...Filthy Creations 5!

Right some news on what's up next from me and where you can read my latest storys,W.E.B a story that has been put on my blog is to be included in the fifth edition of one of the nets best kept secrets Filthy Creations. So I am really happy about that and a big thank you goes out to Rog Pile who not only runs and edits the publications but is also a sterling horror writer in his own right.

Dracula 1982 A.D will also see print in the third edition of The British Horror Forum Book of Horror but as I have no more information as to when this will come out I can't update anyone. The cover is completed,all the storys are there and I don't think it is too far off seeing the light of day,I would imagine you should expect this title in about November...but remeber that is just a guess.

Charles Black has also kindly gave me the opitunity to send a story in for consideration for his short story collection Black Book of Horror,this will be the third edition and I am going to try my level best to get in it.
Things as with all the publications I have had my work included in I am in the company of some extremely gifted writers (and artists) so it's always a matter of having to write at your best.

So I am off to look for a proof reader :P

Take Care.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

A break up, Sound off!!

I am at the tail end of getting over a break up I am not quite there yet but near the point where I can think about the other person and not slump back into wishes for a dead season. It's taken a lot of work and time and a ton of support from many a listening ear from all over everywhere but it seems things are starting to work.

Usually I don't say too much about personal situations like this I am far more likely be to more discrete or dot around the edges of the subject concentrating more on what I am doing rather than what happened and why it came to be.

However this time I need to get a little bit angry....I need to say a few things that has made my persona draw a little blood after an emotionally brutal period of my life...but no let's not sell the drama and too much imagery could distract from the issues I want to make clear.

So let's actually get to the point.

A break up is usually horrible and almost always 50/50 in terms of fault,whether ether party wish to acknowledge or appreciate that fact at the time is up to them, but it's not surprising within the fury of a FINAL argument that this particular fact isn't understood by the warring factions.

So then it's wise to clear the area of conflict for a time and give each other time to breath because if you don't the chances are frustrated passion and shattered dreams will turn into hatred for each other.

Contact at this point is hard because you are both going to in a state of shock this lends itself well to a numb sense of being polite to each other. Only being able to work in simple forms of "hellos","Hope your well" and maybe the odd "I'm sorry it ended like this"....for a time this keeps a lot of unnessecry hurt at bay.

The problem comes when you have been through all the motions that lead you to need to contact the other person if person A has collected all their things from person B's place there is really no need for person A to contact them. This point gains even more purchase if person B is seeing another person at this point.

Then you realise or I should say more truthfully now I realise the amount of utter loss that comes from a break up.

I don't wish for things to be back as they were because that cannot happen but to suddenly have to act in a way that you have to pretend the other doesn't exist any more not only makes me sad but angry at the total waste it all is.

To me this is what I lost:

- My best friend

- My belief support

- A person who believed I wasn't the things that I worried about being

- My lover

- My soul mate (connecting on lot's of different levels)

- My companion

- A woman who liked some of most obscure stupid,silly and down right daft things that I liked

- Home

- Future

- My love

That list makes things sound completely bleak but I assure you I have managed to claw a lot back with help from friends,family and my own will. I put a lot of the loss down to my inexperience with long term relationships I also put the loss down to the woman I was with thinking I was the man she had been looking for all her life.

The bigger tragedy is I wasn't I may well be to somebody else but not the woman I was with,she may have thought so at the time but as hindsight is always 20/20 it was only something she could have known for sure after being with me for a while. I am learning to accept that she wasn't the one for me ether and none of my anger is directed at her but all of it is at the total waste of losing someone I would have gladly been a friend of the rest of my life. I used to have a hand fasting ring which basicly meant that we were together and under pagan law acted as marriage (she was Dianic Wiccan you see) but for the life of me I can't find it which I guess is symbolic.

The good thing about writing about this on a blog which is kept as a record is that at some point I can look back at it from a much better position and with a little luck may even see the situation I am in right now as something quite alien.

This is only the end of round 1 the fight has barley begun :)

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Other Places.

I have set myself up so that I have a skill for work (massage) and with hard work and application I should be able to take this to the work place for a job I can get more satisfaction from. I will always have my writing to and will keep doing this for whole of my life and as long as I am writing there is always the possibilty I may get lucky and get a professional contract.

This Monday I have an interview for a job I don't really want but I shall give it my all anyway for the fact that I need the money and if anything it's good practice. However I get the feeling that I don't have anything to keep in U.K much longer,don't get me wrong I do loke the U.K but I keep feeling that I need to explore somewhere else I don't know if I want to grow old in this country.

I have family here but you have to live your life for the things you need and want to do,I did have someone here who I wanted to marry but that broke up and I am but a bad dream to the other person.

So what do I do?

Prior to meeting my ex I had plans to moving out the country but when I met her I saw no reason to be anywhere else but by her side and the fact I didn't want to be anywhere else but with her. She wanted to stay in the U.K and I was more than happy to stay here because I couldn't imagine being without her.

Things change.

In some ways I find myself back at sqaure one but then not completely because this time around I am armed with more knowledge than I had been before.
Still again I feel the need to not only finish moving on emtionaly but moving on physicaly I want to start something else in another part of the world,I want to experences something other than what I have where I am.

I am uncertain as to weather I have left it too late I am only 29 but that is old in terms of immigration to certain countries. I have the idea of Canada in the back of my mind and maybe I will do it I am unsure but one thing I am sure about and that's adding new things to my life.

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

In the works

As of now W.E.B has been submitted to a friend of mine called Rog Pile (he runs The British Antholigy Hell Forum and publish horror short story collection Filthy Creations) he told me previously that the story disturbed him.

No...not in the sense that he felt he had to call the law but in the sense that it was a decent horror story,which I admit was a relief because you can never tell if anyone likes what you do until they read it.

Hopefully even if this doesn't see the light of day on Filthy Creations it will be good enough to submit elsewhere. I am also working on another story that has the working title of The Fabric Condition,it's going quite well and I have my sights to submit it to a publication I have been to afraid to send it to before (mainly due to the sheer amount of professionals who write for it).

I am modestly optimistic about getting a green light for it's inclusion but seeing as it's not even written yet I won't get too ahead of myself. Sculpture another story that is complete will be submitted somewhere to but I need to get my hands on it as it's with someone else right now and they are not that easy to contact,I am fairly sure I do have a copy elsewhere however.

Then there is Ogre a taleI haven't quite got to grips with yet but I am now finaly thinking about turning my attention towards it and giving it a final crack even if the outcome isn't perfect.

Also expect two other themes to pop up in two future tales that are in note form at the moment those themes being The Wild Hunt and The River Thames.

The later I have have some exciting plans for.

So for those who read this to see how my writing is getting on there you are I think I am finaly starting to get some wheels moving and producing a little more than I have previously :)

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Now

How can I score points
And win back your trust
Where our two hearts join
There's a sign of rust
From the tears you've cried
With the times i've lied
To the two of us
I don't think that I know what to say
In my heart I want you anyway

I Want You

By Squeeze

Saturday, 30 August 2008

Only loose ends.

So I passed the interview and now have a place on the course which is fantastic but it is slightly tainted by the fact I still need to enroll properly.

Certain paperwork on the open days didn't get sorted and I need to go back and tie up some loose ends on that,I hate loose ends it makes me anxious but then again sometimes that feels like a naturel state with me :P

I am pushing foward with things so it seems ;)

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Bloody nervous.

Tomorrow is the open day at college and I will be having an interview for my Holistic Massage course and I am extremely nervous about it. It's be over seven years since I last set foot in a college and even though this is an adult course the whole thing just worries me.

Obviously it's the fear that they will look at me and think I should be doing the course for whatever reason,the thing is that fear is pretty stupid but still I am a bag of nerves about it.

So fingers crossed for tomorrow and with a little luck I will be a lot happier tomorrow and will be writing about some good news.

Saturday, 2 August 2008

A small victory

Yeah I know any excuse to use a Faith No More song as a title for a blog entery...I dearly hope I never have use Stripsearch however.

Anyway back to the point the small vistory in question is finishing a short sotry called W.E.B currently submitted on two horror forums for the critical eye to gaze and muse.
With a little luck I can give this into a horror publication and maybe see it in print,it still needs some minor work to improve it,not in the least grammar and spelling...as usual tsk.

If you want to read it here it is but I may have to take it down depending on wther I am allowed to keep it on when the story gets submitted for publication:

Story deleted because it is set to be published in Filthy Creations five :)

Thursday, 31 July 2008

Films of power

I don't take myself seriously which I find is a pretty good tip if you are to survive this life but I do take my films seriously. It's not that I don't love the odd brainless film because I do and pictures that make me laugh until my blander submits are amoung my favourtie movies.

However films that make the most impact with me,ones that I recomend more than any other are films that move me and on occasion even make me cry.
Not in a way which makes you wallow in your own emotions so that you end up feeling sorry for yourself but films that make you realise just how fragile people are and why it's vital to connect with the part of yourself that is far more valuble than any physcial posesstion or physical apprence.

Below is a list that I think you should watch be warned all are moving and some are even distrubing.
None are grapihc in horror or gore but they do deal with core emtional issues that causes us to take a little more care in how we behave,ones with a star denote films that have made me cry.
I am not sure how useful that is to anyone but it is a sign as to how strong some of these films are:




Dead Mans Shoes*

When The Wind Blows

Testement*

The Plauge Dogs

One Night Stand

Threads (this is quite a graphic film actuley)

There are most probably a few more I could add to that list but these are the important ones I want to write down,they are in no particular order and as you can see the list is dominated by films on the theme of nuclear war. They are all worthy of a viewing and if you can get a loved one to watch one with you it does make for something special to share.

Monday, 28 July 2008

Bully

I can't praise William Golding enough for the masterpiece that is Lord of The Flies,forcing us to observe the savagery that growls under the thinnest of skins.


The use of children those whom we deem as the bastion of innocence and untainted by the machinations of the adult world are the tool that Golding uses to tear away the damsel enforced veneer of modern society.
This is the shocking mechanism that makes the reader/audience ask themselves uncomfortable questions upon the more repugnant shadows in their souls.

Personally the most affecting aspect of Goldings work is the sheer naked bullying that was faced by the harmless character Piggy.
Of course Simon the harmless,tender Christ like figure that textured the piece with a sign of redemption for the stranded boys only to be torn down in a barbaric hunt. That could be seen as the pivitol moment in which the boys plunged into the twilight of evil.

However it was the gentler strokes of malicious intent dished out to Piggy that got to me. Initially it looked much like playground behaviour,Ralph betrayed Piggy's trust by telling the rest about calling the boy in question Piggy.
A name that caused the boy distress and pain and maybe this level of teasing is what makes us grow thicker skin and fight back.

However as the story advanced it became apparent that Piggy was singled out for other reasons other than his size and unkind moniker. He couldn't run,nor swim,refused to hunt,deemed many of Jacks ideas as dangerous or stupid.
Jack whom at this point was becoming a factor of dangerous independence leading his hunter pack in diffaince at Ralphs more orded rule held personal contempt towards Piggy.

He put down and isolated Piggy whenever he had the opportunity and his impressionable hunter group took lead from this and copied Jack with verbal abuse.
Despite Piggy's reasoned thinking,logical idea creation and ability to communicate with the other boys (hence encouraging education within the ragged pack) the only value that most of the boys though Piggy offered were his glasses which could create fire for the group.

Throughout this Ralph stuck by Piggy,Ralph a reluctant leader at least understood Piggys reasoning and took refuge in his council and compassion. At some points Ralph looked to Piggy for awnsers in a role reversal for the leader,it was clear that Ralph valued Piggy's friendship because he needed him.

Towards the end Jack and his hunters had completely broken away from Ralphs frail order of authority(taking all but Piggy with him) and raided Ralphs end of the island in order to steal Piggy's glasses. Piggy now with no value and Ralph a leader without power or followers were clearly expendable to Jacks hunters.

Upon the mountain Ralph and Piggy confronted Jack and his group,Piggy tried one last time to reason with the boys and seek some salvation in the mindless actions that had taken place.
Roger who was Jacks right hand man mounted the summit of the bullying of Piggy by sending a rock crashing down upon Piggy's head.
The most chilling outcome of this was the smile on Rogers face at some point there was a transition that allowed evil to enter Rogers soul.

Piggy throughout was the living effigy of everyone bullied put upon individual,a boy who really only had something positive to offer but visually and physically not in step with everyone else.
For that reason he was picked out and destroyed without ever being able to display what he could achieve,crushed under the dank blankness of ignorance and fear.

Piggy's exist in this world,a world not of paper fiction or projected film the one your walking in and sitting at your computer in.

Here and now.

Maybe you know a Piggy.....don't let dark hearts crush him/her.

Friday, 18 July 2008

Did it.

I am sleepy but I have been and done Brighton today (not Saturday as originaly posted) it was nowhere near as painful as I thought and I really enjoyed seeing my friend down there. I admit it was weird being in a place that was once considerd home but with a little time it will again be that same place and especily since I have managed to put a lot behind me with the town.

The one main thing that I was pleased to see again was the sea,the salt air and the crashing waves are a sure way to calm my feelings and sooth me heart.
I sat on the beach with my friend for a while just talking about life,how we got to where we were and where we intend to be.

We didn't know the awnsers to our futures but we both understood what brought us to be in our indvidual situations. In many ways we were/are looking for the same thing but in different ways it was good to learn for each others experence about how we could achive what we wanted.
In terms of releationships we agreed that being single was not as bad as we feared being able to keep your options open to whomever may enter your life is quite exciting.

I did plan on taking my hand fasting ring along with me to throw in the sea as an act to aknowledge that it was time to move ahead with my life but after talking to a friend over the phone I realised there wasn't a need to do that. You can keep your memories and still understand that your life is going foward,so I am going to keep it safe but away from my gaze because I know there will be a time when a warm memory is harmless to look back on.

Another thing I miss about Brighton is the shops,they tend to be eccletic and sell items not found anywhere else,as I am a big fan of note pads (the life blood of my stories) I was pleased to find one shop that sells recylced matrials that are then used for other purposes. I brought a note pad that had it's cover and back made from an old electronic circuit board :D...it looks brilliant and a fantastic addition to my other far more mundane pads.

The weather really wasn't that much to shout about but then the trip was all about making a new friend and starting a fresh I wonderd if the sky was over cast because it was a reflection on clouds hanging over me.

Then it was time to leave and I really didn't want to I wanted to stay but maybe today wasn't the time to do so tomorrow is always going to be there and tomorrow can always be built towards. Now I have goals and targerts,I have a real ambition as to where I want to be and hopefully I won't always be one my own in going foward.

I know it's step by step and after today I feel a have made my way down a road that will give me the life I want.


P.S:

Thank you to S.W (won't say your name you may not want me to) for listening and being nice company it's great to know that I have a friend near the sea :)

Monday, 14 July 2008

Just some lovely songs.

Feeling a little better recently and I think it's something to do with a spot of music threapy I indulged in the last couple of days.

I think at first it was more of a wallow that turned into a bit of self-reflection and then I found myself accpeting a few things that had been worrying me.

So in case you find yourself in a similer postion here a few songs I listened to that just helped me out a bit:

James- Were going to miss you when your gone

The Charlatans- A Man needs to be Told

Ugly Kid Joe- 12 Cents

James- Run Aground



Yes only foure songs but four songs that helped me out,if you aren't sure of the bands or not familer as to how to get to listen to them off the net just leave a comment with a request for a C.D and I can send you these songs along with a number of others that have had the same effect on me.


Oh and I talked to a friend about things and that helped to,don't ever undervalue friends they really will help you through a lot of darkness.

Sunday, 13 July 2008

Taking a little exsorcise

Yep next weekend,if all goes well and to plan I am going to revist a place that is going to be emotionaly challanging. I made a friend in this town by the coast a town that serves me with a lot of memories that at the time were great but now just reminded of a past I need to step away from.

This wasn't on purpose as I didn't know where this person lived at first and by the time I did I didn't think it was worthy of my intention because planning to meet them wasn't on my radar.
Thing is we get on pretty well and it would be ashame not to meet because of a few ghosts holding me back so I think it may be best to exsorcise them for good.

It may well help with inward recovery as this past week I have been letting my mind wallow in certain things that draw me back to a place I thought I walked away from.
My feeling is if you don't do something about it you are in danger of letting things claim you and trap you,that's not on my to do list now or ever.

I still want ...one day live in this town by the sea I feel like a belong there,my persoanlity suits it and the town allows me to be who I want to be.

Unlike London.

I'm not going to tell you the town because it's not that important and I don't want to broadcast things too much because despite anything else I am still sensitive to other peoples feelings.

Part of me feels like not going,not facing up to things is always an easy way out but it doesn't solve anything and besides it's not just about resloving old issues that I am going.
I am there to see a friend and to have a good time to be honest that really should be the focus and it will help me to remind myself of that fact.

No doubt the result of which I will write down here a blog that despite my intentions has become incresingly more introspective and self revealing.
However I don't mind that an awful lot as at least I feel I have something to say and writing things down here helps.

Maybe I will look back in retrospect at entries like this and wonder why I ever felt this way?

I suppose that is something only time has knowledge of.

If the sun shines next Saturday that will be a good start and if I can asscociate this coastal town with something other than what burns in my memory that will be victory enough.

Saturday, 12 July 2008

Miss it.

...

I miss it that feeling you get when you like someone and you have a feeling that someone likes you back,I miss that.

That silly feeling that gives you a silly smile just due to the fact your are talking to them....

When you see them blush because your the first person in an age to say something nice to them,the special feeling you recieve when they say it you...because you know how long it's been since anyone said anything like that.

...and it's not comming to me soon and it's only me here.

I don't like it.

I miss it.

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Butchers dozen on hold.

Due recent events my short story collection Butchers Dozen is on hold for the time being,I had one complete story and three others half way finished. In note form I had the enough to write around five more tales.

However I slumped in my writing productivity and other issue that over ride this idea need to be taken care of first. What I will do for the time being is complete the three storys that are currently incomplete and submit them to various horror collections. The upside to this is when (and it is when and not if) I get Butchers Dozen back on track there will be that many more people who have read my tales and my collection will reach more people.

Lucky for me I know of a few places that are looking for stories so as long as I complete what I do there should be a shortage of places to send them to at leas....but as with everything it's no sure thing any will be printed but that's just part of writing.

I may will put a story on here again one that was suppose to be for a friends amatuer short film but was never used as things were not completed on time. The story needs some fixs but I think it's about time I put a little something on my blog so that anyone fresh to what I write can read a sample...albiet not exactly the best example :P

Monday, 30 June 2008

Where I am now

I don't usualy use my blog as a place just to talk about me (I try and varey or it gets dull) but it's probably worth bringing anyone who reads this up to speed with me.

First off I spilt up with Georgy in the middle of this April,split ups are something eveyone has been through or will and if not a tip my hat at the people who have managed to happly make thier first love thier only love. So that ment relocating back to London (bah) and moving back in with my parents...yeah I know at 29 but choice isn't always there in a country of freedom of choice heh.

So I am going to apply to study massage which isn't a cheap course and I now have to pin down some work in order just to take it...if I get in which I hope I do.
I didn't think nor want to be where I am now ethier emtionaly,finacialy or in terms of situation but as sure as unexpected things can lead to great happenings they can lend themselves well to pitfalls.

It's really a matter of scratching some optimism from an uncertain patch in my life and with around five unfinished stories and two finished I at least have material in which I can start submitting my horror again. That is core to my happiness I need to be writing and realise just how disfunctional my feelings become when I am not. Hopefully this entery isn't to mournful I try my upmost not to write anything that nears self-pity or is precieved as wound licking but just comming back from my uncles funerel (I wonder or does or indeed can put the fun in funerel :P ) I feel a little melon-colie.

Mind it was funny when I got out the car and found the black trousers I picked up to wear were actuley the wrong ones and weren't the clean ones....:o

Yep that's right I think they sported the result of a night out down the legs and it was lucky the service was only small or I would have looked like a smartly turned out vagrant ;)

So I am just going to fill a couple of college forms in and try to get some writing done today hope you have a nice day :)

Monday, 28 January 2008

Arcade art






If you love computer games then there is an odds on chance that you grew up going to the Aladians caves of seaside arcades,I would look foward to going and playing on them when I had family holidays or day trips.

Although now it seems the places have changed to endless gun simulators and car racing games that don't really offer much personality betwein them.

I suppose this is prelude to an undeserved good old days tirade....well almost.

I just loved the idea of going to the beach amusments and looking out for the latest games on offer and then talking about them with my mate Ross at school.

Double Dragon,Final Fight and Bad Dudes were firm favourites with us and we used to try and out class each other with how many street thugs we beat up.
The most violent method often out shinned the score we got and because Ross never actuley shut up he usualy managed to make his stories sound better.

Elbow block to the face indeed.

My older brother Robert used to be pretty damn good at the arcade machines and for a long while I would trapes around the machines he went on and watched him play.
At this stage I was rarely allowed any change to play the things so I watch Robert and most times was covinced that my God like brother was the best arcade player in the entire planet or at least holiday season.

Then when the years past and I grew older these machines which often housed my favourite games died out,the sweet shops near my school used to have a few machines in thier shops(a death wish if you ask me) and for a time my dreams were allowed to live.
After I had finished school I didn't really have the accsess to these machines,seasides no longer wanted the old style cabinets and game consoles stemed the demand.

Then came MAME a programme that allowed you to play old arcade favourites on your P.C,it was a blast and from here I started to apprciate the presentation that went into these things.

The flyers and cabinets often sported some brilliant niche stylised art work i.e Tron and A.P.B we all know Pacman and Space Invaders have been made into T-Shirts but I think they are missing a trick.
I would love a company to take away the logos and indetifyable markings of the art and print the art styles to clothes as there are some outstanding visuals to be seen here.


The Overdrive and City Connection pieces are good examples of art that could do well minus the game name,they could work as great art motifs on bags and other clothing.

Persoanly I am waiting for my must have arcade piece and then taking down to the printing shop and having a hoody made out of it...after I have had a Protect and Survive top done of course ;)

Saturday, 5 January 2008

Hope you loved Xmas

Well it's the final day of Chrismas tomorrow(probably 12 drummers...banging or something) so I hoped you all enjoyed yourself,to be honest I could have done without the traveling but it was great to see family and freinds.

Don't you just love the mythonligy that writers create with thier characters,this is why I am absoultly in love with A-Z descriptions of characters from classical mytholigy and up to things like Marvel superheros.

It's pretty anazing when you read a copy of The marevl Universe Handbook and see a technolgical breakdown of something like Spidermans webshooters. You never quite understand the detailed care that goes into making every aspect of a characters attributes and paraphernalia.

Thing is it's important not to get too stuck on this as I found with a recent character I have written for a story I am doing. I have a list of laws and a summary of the recent history of a paracticular outworldly fellow who is about to exsist in some pages I am to pen.

I am keeping the list in as I enjoyed writing it and I am going to work it into the story so that it bolsters the alien helping the story thrive.
I have however in the past written a vast collection of character cards that just grew and grew. It was supposed to be for a novel but just ending up dying under the sheer volume of people who were designed to be in it.

So I was left with a complex plot with a host of people whom all had no future,just completly pointless really.

So that ends a rather stringy entery but Christmas has left rather...tierd see you all soon ;)

OH!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ;)