Unworry about it.

Worrying is a huge waste of time if you don't actually have anything that demands your immediate attention to fix.

So the basic idea is if you have your health why worry?

I think if you live anywhere within reach of of a tap and a hot meal you will know that as noble as that sentiment is,it's not enough.

Still it's apparent that we worry about a LOT more than we should and worry is at detriment to achieving the things we want. Strange thing is we worry about the things we haven't done,lack in our lives,or the defficencys of our character/physicality's.

However the more we worry about them the less we do about them case in point ME ....so what do I worry about...well have a look:

- Not getting a job

- Ending up living at home the rest of my life

- Not finding someone to love

- My weight (surprisingly I need to put it on)

- Thinking every nasty thing that people have said about me is completely true and I have hardly any redeeming features.

That last one is a biggie and a bit complex but it's there never the less,anyway I worry about all these things but none of them are life threatening,none threaten me with immideate danger.
So logically they shouldn't be on my mind as things that make me sick with fear...they do but it doesn't make complete sense.

So if I stopped thinking about so much it terms of things that I feel are of grave concern than there is more chance of me doing something about them.
The other fact is that when you just let yourself be you find that some things do not have a lot of evidence to back them up.

The last worry inparticular....I could pick far more false examples of me being nasty than I could real ones. Nobody is perfect so accepting the real ones as part of human nature just paints you as a normal person the false ones are only made because you feel you have to justify the fear in the first place.

Being in the moment and getting lost in that moment also makes for a good way to exorcise worry the past and future are ether gone and lost or unrealised and unmade respectively.

So why worry about something that you have no control over if it has passed or indeed sabotage because it is yet to become.

I think if I get lost in anything in life it's worry,it's the fear of no matter what I do I ruin it for myself because I am afraid to do well but the good thing is if I am my own enemy I know myself better than anyone. Hence I know how to make friends with myself better than anyone.

I am quite sure because I have clean water,food,a roof over my head and people who love me I feel that I may need something to worry about because it's unnatural to have everything you need.

The good thing about writing all this in a blog is that I don't know who reads it,I don't know if they think it's good or bad and most of all I don't get advice or punishment for saying what I have.

One thing I have learned through depression and worry and that's the future is still exciting because I have been in times where I could have done something stupid but in truth never had the guts to carry out.
Then from seemingly out of nowhere something/someone amazing has come into my life and changed me and my world.

Places my have gone people my no longer be in my life but their effect is still there and in end the positive outweighs the negative tenfold.






What do we learn from this?

I don't know ether....but giving yourself a hug maybe a clue ;)

Smashed in

Not to moan.
Not to Whine.
Not to take up your precious time.
It's no crime.
To dissapoint and pretend it's fine.
But with a mind like mine.
Broken glass empty of wine.
Held in place by ghostly twine.
I can't function.
Can't move back inline.
and one day it will fall.
All the pieces big and small.
And that's the day I go to the wall.




Christ thing must be easier than this....I don't fucking understand what's what anymore.

Let's scare the children for a change.

Okay take a look at this mans (if he is indeed a man or even human)face and tell me it doesn't frighten you.

If it doesn't scare you at least leave you slightly concerned about the mental state of the individual then I hope you don't mind of I call you a liar.

Nothing personal you understand I just think you must need a look at the fellows face AGAIN,this time think about it this way.
I that harrowing scene in A Clockwork Orange yep that's right when the Droogs were raping the woman and beating the husband to near near they wore masks with long noses.

Those masks managed to make a terrifying situation an even much horrorfying prospect I mean I can't think of many other ordeals worse than being raped but....being raped by men with frightening masks somehow (and I can't be sure how it does) makes it for a more dreadful prospect.

The thing was with that was A Clockwork Orange was an adult film and if you saw the whole picture that scene was justified to illisustrate the brutal and callious characters of the film.
However the man in the picture whose name is....Mr.Noseybonk....OH GREAT A NICE UNWEIRD NAME THEN!

Not only did he have a name that felt like a strange literal translation of a disturbed step-ftaher stroking his penis in the playground but this character was in a childrens programme called Jigsaw.

I also don't care how good the Saw films are but what is disturbing is this Mr.Noseybonk looks even more frightening that the Jigsaw killer in said horror films.

...this is my childhood and this is why I have a mind like a broken mirror.


As Sue Cook says..."Don't have nightmares"

It's 200...or is it 1973?

It's all getting quite 1970's here in the U.K with a recsession that apprently hasn't been seen since the 70's and now it seems the unions are retooling by once again down tooling.

I for one would like to give a call of support to the striking workers,victims of a crashing capitilist system that thinks nothing of what it gives back to society but just what it can take and take once again.
Here lies the crux of the problem Total have been contracted to do work in this country but refuse to take on local workers in favour of Italian workers whom are prepared to wrok for less and live on a boat.

It's not the traveling workers I have any problem with and the strikers have no direct problem with them ethier. However if native workers cannot compete on a level playing field for jobs in thier own country then some action has to be taken to tell Total and our govenment that this is NOT on.

To a certain degree I do like seeing the unions finding new strengh and rediscovering thier power that Thatcher tore from them decades ago however I do fear what other parties will make of this.

Orginisations such as the BNP could see this as just the right time to divide and conquer the public and win votes,if you think the BNP taking offie is a distant nightmare only present on some distopian fiction take a look at how any facist party has got into power.

....scary isn't it.

So I do hope this striking action an foriegn worker issue doesn't mutate into a race issue,let's keep this to the matter at hand and that being striking against the corupting greed of unfeeling multi-national companies.

Thank you or no Thank You?

Am I the only one who loves Duran Durans Thank you album?

Sometimes it feels that way,it got slashed and slated in the music press with one publication saying that their cover songs were "wrong headed".

I do suppose fans of the original songs may listen to the covers and just implode at what Duran Duran did to them but I love what they did to the songs.

Perfect day is a prime example but I have yet to met the Lou Reed fan that agrees with me :(

Get this though the bands that Duran Duran covered largly approved of how the band treated thier material so maybe I have some support in my views.

I recomend this album to anyone who agrees with me that this is a good album :P

Oh and here is the track listing:

1. "White Lines" (Grandmaster Flash) – 5:31
2. "I Wanna Take You Higher" (Sly & The Family Stone) – 5:06
3. "Perfect Day" (Lou Reed) – 3:51
4. "Watching the Detectives" (Elvis Costello) – 4:48
5. "Lay Lady Lay" (Bob Dylan) – 3:53
6. "911 Is a Joke" (Public Enemy) – 3:59
7. "Success" (original by Iggy Pop, written by Iggy Pop and David Bowie) – 4:05
8. "Crystal Ship" (The Doors) – 2:52
9. "Ball of Confusion" (The Temptations) – 3:46
10. "Thank You" (Led Zeppelin) – 6:36
11. "Drive By" (Duran Duran) – 5:34
12. "I Wanna Take You Higher Again" (Sly & The Family Stone) – 4:25

Phonic Fear.

A quick early post just to point you in the direction of a audio horror experment I did with a friend of mine name Sharon.
I recently heard a piece she did as an audio tale and I really liked her voice I thought she had a distinct ability to convey feeling and atmosphere in the way she spoke. I had also tried converting one of my stories (Beggers Banquet) in audio format and it did get recorded albiet unedited but I am no longer in contact with the person so unfourtunatly that recording won't ever see the light of day.

Regardless I approched Sharon with the idea of reading a short draft of a piece of my work and she kindly agreed. I am really pleased with the outcome,it is as a piece of work in rough form (to be honest not so much Sharons voice as my written piece) and needs a little attention but I feel good about trying something a little bigger and complex.

Please try it yourself it will take less than two minites of your time ;)

http://ellya441.fileave.com/Departed.mp3

Cheers

Picture for web.

Just a quick one on the subject of my story W.E.B,Rog Pile of the Workshop of Filthy Creations has created a stunning picture for the story I have in the upcomming edition of Filthy Creations 5.





I am more than happy with this it's a great piece of artwork that represents my story very well and I always get excited when someone illisurates a story of mine.

Thanks Rog :)